LeanIn or LeanOUT?

This pandemic has been incredibly hard on parents. 

Specifically, mothers. 

Between August and September, over 1 million women left the workforce. 

This is a lot of women. And a BIG DEAL. 

Women already face a lack of equity in the workplace. From being passed over for promotions, to more frequent imposter syndrome, to fewer female mentors, to disparity in compensation. And women of color face even greater inequity. 

As someone who entered the business world, guns blazing in her early 20's, then adapted to fit into organizations run primarily by men, I'm keenly aware of the dynamics in the workplace that left me frequently feeling like I had to work harder and play into a structure that went against my feminine reality. One thing that stands out when I look back is how both my identity, and the way my employers treated me shifted once I had children. I strongly believe that new parents, and employers downplay this transition way too much.

Women face additional challenges in the workplace that aren't so measurable, and often not discussed. One thing that IS quantifiable is the lagging of women rising the ranks as illustrated in this graphic from the McKinsey and LeanIn Women in the Workplace 2020 study.

So here we are in a pandemic, and with millions more women anticipated to leave the workforce or pull back on their careers. One can't help but think our progress is being hindered even more as we juggle homeschooling, childcare, and endless Zoom calls in physical isolation from coworkers. The impact it has on our belief in ourselves for one, is troubling.

A friend, a VP within an organization she's worked at for years, shared the following perspective with her management team recently:

What I don’t love is feeling like a failure and I have felt that way pretty consistently since March. I live with constant guilt and anxiety of letting someone down or letting something slip through the cracks. On average, I am in Zoom meetings for 5-6 hours a day.  At the same time… (I) navigate my children’s assignments, Google Meet schedule, not to mention learn how to use what feels like 17 new platforms.

The Mental Load 

Some of us have the support of our partners, and others are flying solo as single moms. I am ever-grateful for super supportive husband who participates equally in our household. I think I am in the majority of moms who feel they carry the ‘mental load’ nonetheless, or as a friend recently called it, the ‘3rd Shift’. Whatever you call it, it's the endless list in the back of our heads of household administration (scheduling and managing appointments, home supplies, kids activities, bills, and everything related to the house that seems to never end). 

I can't remember a time in my lifetime where there has been more pressure and stress on working moms. I'm concerned there will be additional repercussions if broader, more impactful changes aren't put in place soon. Empowering and supporting ourselves and one another is a good place to start. 

The McKinsey/LeanIn study identified factors why women are leaving or cutting back on work right now:

• Lack of flexibility at work

• Feeling like they have to be ‘always on’

• Housework and caregiving responsibilities

• Worry their performance is being negatively judged because of caregiving responsibilities during the pandemic

• Discomfort sharing their challenges with teammates or managers

• Feeling blindsided by decisions affecting day-to-day work

• Feeling unable to bring their whole self to work

Many of these factors were already a concern before the pandemic. Now, exacerbated, we’re in crisis-mode. I felt for years that I could not bring my whole self to work, though I just assumed that’s the way it had to be. It doesn’t. Overcoming some of these constraints - whether they arose in me (this happens more frequently than we realize) or from employers, brought so much liberation, it led me into coaching. Now I support women to take back ownership of their performance, set boundaries, learn what’s blocking them, to discover what their real WHY is, and how to go after it.

There’s a lot that can be done to addresses these factors - both on the parts of women themselves, and employers.

4 Ways Employers can Help

1. Family Leave.

I've always been a fierce believer in robust family leave policies. As a culture, we can do a lot better here, and there's no better time than now to offer parents support in the form of rest. Cultural changes within organizations speak the loudest to me. There's nothing helpful about a parental leave with unspoken pressure to continue working for fear falling behind.

2. Clarity of Expectations.

Many parents cite, in this Catalyst study, ambiguity about whether employer expectations have changed amidst Covid. When employees don't understand if they're being held to the same standards and work hours, the end result is often stress and misalignment between boss and employee.

 3. Mental Health Benefits.

Many employers offer physical health incentives as part of their benefits, though fewer have placed the same level of emphasis on mental health. Everyone can benefit tremendously from stronger mental health, especially now.

4.  Stipends for Care.

When I asked a local online community that includes many working moms what they want most, many cited support for childcare. And those families around me who seem to be managing childcare and work best tend to be the ones with outside childcare (which isn't an easy decision - to invite someone into your home or send your child out of the home, given greater exposure). Yet even if they're available, they come at a cost that many families simply cannot afford. I'd love to see employers provide a temporary childcare stipend to workers - it's a vote to support and advance their valuable female workers. 

6 Simple things you can do for you right now 

1. I know you're accustomed to going for the A. Try to let go of perfectionism and complete the task with a sense of progress, not perfection.  

2. Promote yourself more. Be sure to note to your boss what IS working and what you ARE achieving. Men promote themselves 30% more at work than women, according to this HBS study.  

3. Ask for what you need. From your spouse. Your support network. 

4. Stay solution-oriented. If you find yourself complaining around the virtual water cooler, catch yourself and stop. Stay away from those that perpetuate complaining without offering solutions. 

5. Find your allies at work, and support one another. As a leader yourself, be an advocate for those around you. And remember, every time you stand up for yourself, its impacting others, too.

6. Create a grounding routine each morning. This may involve meditation, journaling, walking or exercising outdoors, and staying off social media for the first hour of your day. Establishing these morning habits can make a big impact on the flow of the rest of your day.

Perhaps the pandemic is the catalyst we’ve needed for broader, lasting support for working parents, and once we emerge and even before, I hope that we’ll give greater consideration to supporting this critical portion of the workforce.